I like trying new things – ‘new’ to me, not necessarily new to the world. Take skiing and sky diving for instance, I have always wanted to try them and will do soon I’m sure. However, when it comes to implementing my own new ideas (or old ones), I procrastinate a lot, or do nothing at all.
It’s because I fear failure. But so do many people. That’s why they say “feel the fear and do it anyway” Right? (Side note: feel the fear and do it anyway within reason of course; let’s apply wisdom to such statements).
Recently a friend of mine, who I happened to confide in, asked me what failure looks like to me and I struggled to explain myself to her. After some incoherent statements and mumbled blather, I finally managed “not being successful or executing my plan correctly” or something to that effect.
Success is subjective. I may not consider myself successful right now but others probably do. When I get a new idea (which happens often), I get excited and write notes, create plans and daydream about the pending awesomeness until the fear kicks in and everything screeches to a halt.
That’s one of the reasons I haven’t posted in so long. I have been unbelievably overwhelmed. That is not to say that I haven’t written because I have – it’s how I cope. I just don’t believe everything is meant to be shared (good or bad) – not immediately anyway. Maybe at a later stage, in hopes that other people may take something from my experiences / feel less isolated.
Having said that, a few good things did become apparent during my sequestering and I was reminded of the following:
- How loved I am – unconditionally
- The imortance of health and fragility of life
- Friendship is fickle and most people are selfish
- Some people are happy for you, until they perceive you to be doing doing better than them
- Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning
In the space of the past few weeks I have felt almost every conceivable emotion except anger and envy. It’s been exhausting at times but also enlightening and throughout it all, I I have strived to be perpetually grateful.