Exactly two weeks ago, I got married. Well, I did so according to the traditional Nigerian, or more specifically, Esan (Edo) marriage rites. However, I have been legally married for 12 days (our church ceremony took place two days after our Nigerian one).
This came as a surprise to a number of people. Like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and her sentiments on “the ever-growing performative aspect of pregnancy” reported by various sources, I feel much the same when it came to my own relationship, my engagement and my actual wedding. I did not want to “perform” my milestones.
Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that sharing with loved ones on social media can be a wonderful thing – it is what social media was created for after all. However, I think it has taken a more baleful twist over the years with one-upmanship and histrionics at the helm all in the name of being noticed, ‘liked’ and potentially going viral in order to capitalise on the newly found fame.
I wanted to enjoy my relationship [in real life] without thinking about the perfect picture to show I was having the time of my life with the love of my life. Many people did not even know I was in a relationship because my husband did not appear on any of my social media. So unless you knew us personally, there was no way of you guessing.
That is not to say that I hid him. Far from it. We attended friends’ birthday parties, weddings etc and we met each other’s families. There was nothing clandestine about our relationship. I personally chose not to feature him on my numerous social media platforms and blog (despite the fact that I feature on his one, seldom used social media account) because I delighted in growing with one another without questions, adulation or any other unsolicited emotion from people who were not invested in us personally and helping us to improve.
There were days when I wanted to gush and post about him on Instagram or Facebook extolling his many virtues and share the latest thing he’d done to surprise me. And then I would ask myself “why?” After answering (more often than not the reply would be self-gratification) I would usually lavish the praise on him directly or call / message one of my best friends who would rejoice with me.
I suppose a large part of me just wanted to retain some privacy for as long as possible – especially as I knew once we got married there was no way of banning pictures and yes, I did consider it. It’s not because I’m ashamed of him as one person enquired – in fact it’s quite the opposite, I’m so proud of my husband and could talk about him all day. He’s one of the most astounding, thoughtful, brilliant and loving men I have ever met. That’s why I married him.
I wanted and still intend to safeguard what we have because it is precious to me – to both of us. While there will be pictures of him on my social media and this blog from time to time, I am not in any way shape or form trying to go from zero to one hundred and garner attention based solely on my marital status – particularly given that we are an interracial couple and there appears to be a curious fascination with that.
This post is just me, sharing a little life update and some insight into my silence plus expressing my shock at how quickly the time has passed and my excitement about our future. Our wedding was a dream made manifest so I may well talk about it at some point, especially given that I planned both days in 7 months (with the help of my Mum) and as you can imagine, I learnt a few things along the way.
12-14 days down… a lifetime to go and I couldn’t be happier with who I’m on the journey with.