“…because I rant not, neither rave of what I feel, can you be so shallow as to dream that I feel nothing?”
― R.D. Blackmore, Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor
Earlier today, I was
stalking reading my friends blog (lifeinrhymesandlines) and came across a post she wrote back in 2013 that resonated with me.
Along the lines of her post, when asked the common questions “how are you?” / “are you okay?” my answer is almost always “I’m fine” or “yes” – whether I am or not.
This is for a number of reasons. For example:
- I am not used to talking about my feelings – I write about them instead
- Not everyone genuinely wants to hear about your problems – some people are just nosey and would revel in your sadness
- Many people are ill-equipped to deal with an answer that isn’t positive
- I’m always the one cheering others up – I don’t think it occurs to most of said people that I’m not cheery 24/7. Why spoil the illusion?
Well…in answer to that last question; the illusion needs turning because I am not superwoman! (despite secretly harbouring feelings that I can fly if I set my mind to it). I do many things and I am many things to many people but I am human too. Sometimes, I’m not okay and that’s alright.
I’m pretty introverted – and no that does not necessarily mean I am shy, I just enjoy my own company…a lot. It also does not mean that I don’t like others – I enjoy the presence of my friends, family and even strangers immensely but I appreciate and need ‘me time’ as it’s basically when I recharge and gather my thoughts.
It’s not always easy for me to confide in others.
The weight of my words,
too heavy for you to lug
are best left unsaid.
©Assumpta Ozua 2015